


wish i were.

by eustaelle



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25606165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eustaelle/pseuds/eustaelle
Summary: Jisung is in love with his bestfriend and at the same time wishes he were someone else.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	wish i were.

"Minho, pleaseee! You have to help me," Jisung begs to his bestfriend who, without fail, was currently shooting daggers at him. Jisung tries to give Minho his cutest puppy eyes look, something the other had a tendency not to fall for after years of Jisung trying to win his favor. Minho sighs, being annoyed evident on his face, and complains, "You forced me on this whole sleepover thing, knowing how busy I am. I agreed since I thought we'd do what most sleepovers do, you know? Have fun and then actually SLEEP. Now you want me to wake up in two hours just so we can go to the mall?"

"Yes..." Jisung says slowly, unable to keep back a nervous laugh. Jisung knew that making Minho lack sleep was treading on dark and dangerous waters, he thinks he might not make it out alive. Minho looks at Jisung pointedly, as if trying to wait for more excuses. "I just need to buy a beige knitted sweater, take a picture and send it to Nana. My mom would kill me if she knew I accidentally sent it to donation a few years ago. You wouldn't want to break an old lady's heart, right?"

"So it was your fault in the first place!" Minho says exasperatedly and with a sleepy droop of his eyes. Side-tracked, Jisung thinks Minho looks adorable even though he knew his best friend was very annoyed at him.

Jisung, still not giving up with his puppy look, stares at Minho with a pout in his lips. Minho looks at the younger with a huff, "I have a beige sweater in the closet. No need to go to the mall."

Smiling at him and giving him one of his 'you're the best bestfriend ever' catchphrases, Jisung skids to draw open Minho's closet and heart stopping briefly when he hears what his bestfriend said next.

"Be careful with the sweater though, it's special to me since my grandfather gave it."

Jisung was startled, Minho's late grandfather had been his role model ever since he was a kid. Jisung still remembers the rough years Minho went through after his grandfather passed away. Ever since then, Minho has been careful with everything that was given to him by his grandfather.

Jisung couldn't believe that he was letting him borrow a sweater that precious. He couldn't even hold back a smile. "Thanks, Minho. Love ya!" Jisung says with a smack of a kiss in the air, while Minho shoots him a forced disgusted look. "It doesn't fit me though," Minho says sadly, "it's too tight on the shoulders."

Jisung gently gets the beige cloth and places it on carefully, as soon as he pops his head out, he notices Minho staring at him. Although Minho's eyes were lidded from sleep, it held a mysterious sparkle and a small secret smile flitted over his lips. Jisung couldn't help but wonder why his bestfriend was looking at him so gently, a soft voice in his heart whispers maybe it wasn't just him.

Just maybe.

Minho yawns and smiles satisfied, "It suits you much better, Ji." 

"Haha, are you subtly saying you have broader shoulders than me?" Jisung said with a forced out smile. Jisung reminds himself yet again that he was Minho's bestfriend, and bestfriend don't wonder why and overthink a simple look from their friend.

"No, I'm saying you look pretty with my sweater." 

Minho closes of his lamp and burries himself more under the covers, he murmurs a good night and to just shut the lights off after he take the pictures to Jisung.

Meekly nodding and saying good night back, Jisung couldn't help it. He couldn't help the that smile that grew much wider and the blush that darkened further.

"Only if you knew, Lee Minho." Jisung whispers quietly.

He thanks the heavens that the lightly snoring Minho was already asleep, the busy of the day getting to him, because he was sure one look at his face would be enough to know how much he was in love with his bestfriend.

xXx

Jisung has been feeling the happiest he's had in weeks. He's been spending the most of his time now

with Minho, something rare after his bestfriend started attending university. Minho, nowadays, was alway busy with all the college stuff he has as a second year in his veterinary major. While Jisung, who's still living a carefree life, was just spending everyday in his last year of highschool without much thought, excluding Minho obviously. He counts the days until he graduates from highschool and can start in the same university as his bestfriend.

The two boys were off to buy a few scoops of icecream in a favorite icecream parlor they've always went to since they were kids. Jisung complains about the heat of the day, but Minho, who currently has an arm around Jisung's shoulders, didn't mind at all and just listened to Jisung's ranting.

Jisung's continual talk was a way to distract himself from the fast beat of his heart and the slight feeling of faint because of how close Minho and him was. He confirms that Minho's perfume matched with his scent was still the best thing in the world. Next to Minho himself, of course.

Jisung plans that he'll blame a heatstroke if he actually did faint.

"Whoever loses buys both ice creams," Jisung starts, gesturing his closed fist to play rock-paper-scissors. Minho plays rock while Jisung play scissors. "Ha!" Minho says with a shout. "I'd never lose to you, Sung." 

"First one to three then?" Jisung asks with a playful whine. An annoyed pout getting bigger on the younger's face when he lost all three matches. "You're going to buy me three flavors now," Minho says with a teasing smile, delighted that he won.

Jisung was pretty sure that wasn't what they agreed on but who was he to complain and wipe of his favorite smile off his favorite person.

So Jisung just sticks out his tongue while they're in front of the entrance door, and Minho slowly draws back his arm from Jisung's shoulder as he opens it. "I bet you'd just get three scoops of choco mint anyways. Why don't you ever something new? There are a whole lot of good flavors and choco mint doesn't even taste that much great," Jisung starts saying.

He looks at the other who he thought would automatically defend his favorite flavor but immediately stops talking.

Jisung has knew Minho all his life. Minho was someone who he immediately noticed upset because of a lost toy, and had immediately hugged and comforted. It wasn't much to know what Minho was feeling, Jisung was confident he could read him like an open-book.

Jisung knew Minho all his life, has seen the different expressions the other has after years of being friends. As of now, Minho's eyes were sparkling, lips parted slightly and a blush coloring his cheeks. Jisung was aware how utterly mesmerized and captured Minho was currently with whatever he was looking at. 

Slowly as if time stopped, Jisung looks to where Minho's line of sight was. He feels like he can't breath suddenly. Right then and there was a beautiful girl who was working at the counter, around their age probably, and he might feel like dying just a little.

Especially when he forces out a smile and lightly pushes the distracted Minho teasingly. "You look like you saw an angel," Jisung says with a teasing lilt in his voice, "wanna ask her number?" Minho, broken out of his reverie, lightly laughs at Jisung comment. "Way too out of my league."

"Nah Min, just try it out. You can buy the icecream for now," Jisung says with a grin and moves away to save themselves an empty table. Minho looks at him panickedly, but looks away when Jisung gestures at him to go away and he slowly walks toward the counter. Jisung smiles sadly and just looks at Minho's retreating back.

Jisung knew Minho for all his life. The years they've spent as friends was enough to know that even though he's spent most of his free time with Jisung, even though Jisung knew his favorite icecream flavor, even though Jisung knew everything about him and even though Jisung had fitted Minho's sweater best.

All of those was enough to know that Minho had always seen him as a bestfriend. Jisung looks at Minho again, notices how Minho is talking with such a light smile and a gleam in his eyes. She's got him completely mesmerized, and Jisung feels miserable.

xXx

A few weeks has passed since their hangout at the icecream parlor, and Jisung subtly wishes that he never complained how hot that day was and how he craved ice cream. Jisung learns that the girl's name was Heather and that she was just the kindest person to ever exist. Minho was so obviously whipped with her. Ever since that day, Minho had only talked about Heather this and Heather that.

Recently, all Jisung had heard from his bestfriend were the enthustiastic stories of Heather who had the cutest cats, Heather who liked wearing sweaters, Heather who he had cafe and movie dates with and Heather who was the prettiest person Minho has ever known.

Sometimes Jisung would laugh and tease Minho of how whipped he was. Most of the time Jisung stays quiet, careful not to show a devastating expression to his happy bestfriend. He pretends that his silence was him carefully listening to whatever Minho was saying.

Today, Minho invited Jisung to go out and eat lunch together, so they were currently eating at their favorite diner. Well, Jisung wasn't really eating but just meekly poking his food. He didn't have much of an appetite, especially after he knew who'd be joining them in a while.

Although he was aware how foolish it was, he had been excited the whole night to spend time alone with his bestfriend who was almost always preoccupied with his new female friend. He hoped the fall of his face wasn't noticed when Minho tells him that he invited Heather as well. Minho, who notices his bestfriend's sad mood, places on Jisung's plate what he knew was the younger's favorite part of meat. Jisung looks up at him, surprised, and thanks him.

"I'd really like you to meet her Ji," Minho says with a smile, "I'm actually going to ask her out in the party this weekend. So I'm hoping that you, my bestfriend, would get along wih her."

Jisung thinks that things couldn't be more painful as everything was now.

"Of course, yeah, Min. Just don't blame me when she falls in love with Han Jisung's charming charms," Jisung tells Minho, who rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Oh, there she is!" Minho says, standing up and waves at the entrance door. Jisung looks at the direction Minho was waving, and his smile slowly fades. He was mistaken when he thought that things couldn't be more painful.

Everything he's going through had paled in comparison from the suffocating pain he was feeling right now.

Heather was currenly walking to them right now, a smile lit up on her pretty face after seeing Minho entusiastically waving upon her arrival. Heather who was pretty, Heather who was wearing Minho's favorite and most special sweater. Heather who was someone Minho liked better.

Jisung wishes that he were Heather.

He also kind of hated how he couldn't hate Heather. There was not a single aspect to hate on. Nothing was wrong with her, she was a literal angel. Someone who deserved his bestfriend. Nonetheless, Jisung kinda wishes she just didn't exist. 

He feels like a bad person. Pretending to be all supportive to his bestfriend. Actually going to have dinner with the girl he wishes Minho has never met.

"Hey, I'm sorry I was late." Heather says, sitting beside Minho who scooted to make some space. "Nice to meet you, Jisung. Minho has told me all sort of things," Heather says to Jisung with a smile.

"Of course he has, I'm the guy's only friend." Jisung replies back with a smile while Minho snorts and Heather laughs. 

All three spend the rest of the time eating and talking, mostly just Heather and Minho while Jisung would say a few things to not look too suspicious. Jisung could understand a little bit why Heather had Minho so hooked. Jisung could understand a little why Minho looks at Heather with such mesmerizing awe. Jisung could understand how Minho just gave his special sweater to Heather rather than Jisung, who wasn't even half as pretty. 

Jisung understands why Minho was in love with Heather and not his bestfriend.

At some point, Minho gestures for the bill from the standing waiter. "So Heather," Jisung starts, "any special someone my companion needs to worry about?"

Wasn't he such a wonderful bro, helping out his bro get his girl. Jisung thinks bitterly.

Heather laughs it off as a joke and says,"I have someone I like, does that count?" 

Jisung thinks it would be mean to laugh at the crestfallen look Minho's face was sporting. "I'm actually meeting him in a while," Heather adds. The conversation took an awkward turn after that and Minho tries his best not to look so affected with what Heather just said.

As soon as Heather says her goodbyes, Minho turns to Jisung and sadly says, "I've completely read the wrong signals." 

Jisung wondered if he'll ever have a break, now he needed to comfort and push the guy he loved to someone else. He felt like this whole day was becoming a much bigger mess.

A dark voice in Jisung's mind tells him that maybe he should just tell Minho to give up. Tell him that Heather was out of his league, that he totally read the wrong signals and that he should just spend everyday with Jisung. Jisung can comfort him and be there for him, he thinks if he confess at such a time, Minho might give him a chance.

Then he remembers how he watched Minho's eyes as she walks by. How Minho's face brightens brighter than a blue sky. How Minho gave her the most special sweater he had. How she's got him so memerized. Dying a little inside, Jisung rolls his eyes.

"Don't tell me you're giving up now? You obviously like her a lot. Don't waste this chance, I think she's a little bit interested. Actually, go ahead and chase her. Ask if she can cancel her plans and just spend the rest of it with you." Jisung says to Minho who was intently listening. 

"What if she declines? She'd know what I mean by asking," Minho asks nervously. "Then she declines, but I think you'd regret it later if you don't ask," Jisung says.

"Min, I've known you all my life and I understand you better than most people do. You like Heather the most than any other person out there. Go to her, okay? Be happy." Jisung says to his older companion and gestures for Minho to shoo away already.

Minho, totally inspired with what Jisung has said, stands up and gives him a big smile, "I seriously can't ask for any other bestest friend ever. Thanks Sung, you'll be the best man in our wedding if this ever goes right."

Jisung smiles sadly and waves goodbye, he looks at Minho's retreating back getting farther and farther away from him. He felt tears prickle at his eyes, a few second away from springing forth. He couldn't cry now, if he does, there was no way he could stop it. Thoughts on how the ever-perfect Heather and the guy he loved and dedicated his life to were together and expressing love to each other would get him kicked out of diner from disturbing the other customers with bawling.

He remembers that he still needs to pay before leaving. God, now he needed to pay for those two's food.

Jisung looks around again for the bill, and caught the same waiter Minho gestured for intently looking at him. Once the waiter notices, he makes his way to Jisung whilst carrying the bill. 

The waiter hands Jisung the bill and asks, "You like him don't you?"

Jisung looks up at the petite waiter, who looks a bit younger than him. He reads the name tag with the words "smiley FELIX". 

"Why'd you tell him to go?" The waiter continues, unbothered how Jisung just ignored his first question and took the bill from him. 

"Does the waiters here makes it a habit to eavesdrop?" Jisung asks annoyed, all he wanted was to go home and sob about his bestfriend. "Only if the customers looks like they're acting out a teenage drama," smiley Felix says with a slight shrug.

"So why'd you tell him to go?"

"Why shouldn't I have?" Jisung says with a sigh.

"What do you mean? You just shouldn't have. I mean, you look like you like him a lot." Felix says, looking confused and a bit offended. 

"Yes, I do like him a lot. But that doesn't mean I have the right to be selfish. He isn't mine. He doesn't like me, he like someone much better. What's wrong with helping him out to not get his heart broken?" Jisung says, exasperated with Felix's prying questions. He felt tired. 

"So what does it feel?" Felix asks slowly. Jisung looks at him, "Feel what?"

"What does it feel to fix the heart of someone who's breaking yours?"

Although Jisung has realized this for a long time already, a part of him had maybe ignored it and it altogether hits him. Jisung realizes everything so suddenly, like a weight dropped at him.

Minho liked someone else. Minho loved someone else. Minho, who he loves with all of his heart, is in love with someone else.

Someone who was much better, someone who Jisung wasn't even half as pretty compared to. 

Minho's hands might feel perfect around his. Jisung's hugs might be able to give him warmth on the coldest nights. Minho's lips might fit perfectly on Jisung's lips. Jisung might look best in Minho's sweater but Jisung would never get to know any of this. He'd never get to know how Minho's hands would feel whilst holding his. How it would feel to have Minho's arms around him in the coldest of nights. How it would feel to have Minho's lips against his own. He'd never get to be the owner of Minho's most special sweater. 

He'd never get to be Heather.

Jisung, tears in his eyes, heart breaking and throat thick with emotion, says "I wish I were her."

**Author's Note:**

> phew my second stray kids fa...
> 
> i love conan gray so much now and hearing heather? i knew i needed to make a fic. 
> 
> i won't be making a part two but if you want to know what happened....
> 
> minho does end up with heather and jisung does become the best man at their wedding! felix is a younger student in jisung's school and had seen how jisung talk to everyone about how amazing his bestfriend was. felix was mostly amused on how one can hold such feelings for another and was mostly shocked and a little bit devasted when he heard minho and jisung's conversation on the diner. felix was slightly annoyed on his initial thoughts that jisung gave up minho too quickly, thus the harsh words from our smiley felix.
> 
> idk if he ever realized but i'm pretty sure felix had a cute crush on jisung, placing it on the pretense of curiousity. does he ever confess to jisung? nope, he couldn't because jisung was still madly in love with his bestfriend.
> 
> does jisung ever confess to minho? nope, he didn't because he knew that minho was happier right beside heather with jisung as his solely bestfriend.


End file.
